yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
