what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
