thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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