I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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