how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
