What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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