I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
