so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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