I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize
