just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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