It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
