We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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