he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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