420 ftw
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
