You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
