i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
