Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
