Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
