sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
