Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
