The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
