Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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