Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
