I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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