Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
