Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
