Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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