I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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