so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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