I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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