Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
