I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups