I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.