Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.