So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
