I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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