I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
