Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
