i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
