Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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