Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
