i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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