What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
