I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
