I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
