its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
