drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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