the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
