All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
