Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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