It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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