I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
