wat bout pragnant strippers??
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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