Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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