she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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