I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
