Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
