his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
