3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if only i could text you this smell
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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