Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
