through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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