I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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