I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize