Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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