david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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