Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
