I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
