Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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