As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Let's get the cat blown out
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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