she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
