It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
