I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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