Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
