The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
