I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
love makes seman taste better
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
