Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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