the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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