..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
