the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Im part way to drunk.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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