They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
