How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
