is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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